October 16, 2021

Six Reasons That Canada Geese Will Murder You

Canada Geese are large and in charge. Canada Geese can be found all over the Americas, and they will absolutely chase you if you harass them. Here's why that Canada Goose will light you up if you get too close.

1. Canada Geese are protected wildlife - and they know it!

Canada Goose are protected by international wildlife treaties. These treaties mean that citizens are prohibited from harassing wildlife - yes, that means you! The penalty can be very heavy, so it's not worth trying to get one over on them.

2. Canada Geese can't fly off quickly - but that doesn't mean they can't fight!

Canada Geese can't actually take off into the air without a running start. However, if you corner a Canada Goose, don't expect it to go down lightly. They're known for chasing old ladies, bikers, runners, and just about anyone who's trying to mind their own darn business.

3. Geese can fly at speeds of up to 40 mph

Canada Geese can definitely make a swift getaway if you try to bother them. They can also fly very, very fast - over 40 miles per hour, in fact. If you're chasing a Canada Goose, which you definitely should not do - duck when it flies at you. Otherwise, you'll be getting a large, angry goose to the face at 40 miles an hour.

4. Canada Geese are known anarchists

Canada Geese aren't known for their law-abiding values. They cross busy streets, they drive people off of trails, and they generally just cause chaos wherever they go. They can get pretty nasty, too - they can hiss, make loud noises, and give you the death stare. All of this points to the fact that Canada Geese are true anarchists. Their goal in life is to cause chaos and instill fear into the hearts of men. And by golly, they are good at it.

canadian geese are deadly

5. Canada Geese start out life ugly

Nothing's worse than being ugly and knowing it. And of course, we mean on the inside as well as the outside. Geese are known for their cynical, self hating thoughts. But seriously - Canada goose babies (goslings, duh) look like they're extra large ducks who've been pooped out of a tar pit. They're not pretty. Thank god they grow up to be pretty. But when you're born ugly - you've got nothing to lose.

canada geese have ugly children

6. These birds can smell your fear, and they revel in it.

Canada Geese might look like they have your average goose nose, but the truth is, it's a highly scientific sniffer meant to smell your fear. Geese can actually smell fear - and they can tell pretty easily who's afraid of them.

Whatever you do - don't bother the Canada Geese! Just admire them from afar, and with a healthy dose of skepticism. Because if you harass the geese, they will harass you back. And we will - every single one of us - all laugh at you. In lieu of goose harassment, why not try out some these cool stickers, pins, and magnets?

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